Monday, December 23, 2013


  There are those decisions you make as a parent that you sometimes regret, that you second guess. That make you feel incompetent. Like a failure. The night before we left for New York, T.Mark had a low grade fever. I gave him some Motrin and didn't think too much of it. He had been congested, and I thought it was probably due to that. My in-laws were going to be keeping him for us the next day, and they assured me they felt fine about keeping him and that it was probably nothing.

    So we went on the trip. He was with my in-laws the first day, and my parents the second. (It takes a village!) I had no worries because I knew he was in great hands. But he continued to have fever. Still a happy-go-lucky little guy and acting fine, but not quite himself. I decided to cut my trip a little short, changing my flights and coming home instead of going over to Houston on Saturday with Taylor for a wedding. I am so glad I did. It was a rough night, and all day Sunday was rough too. Poor baby just lay in the bed crying and hugging mama and sleeping off and on. We finally got in with the after hours clinic, thanks to our wonderful pediatrician, and got a diagnosis of flu and an ear infection. 

Ouch. First of all for my precious boy-- but also, the sting of this question: am I a bad mother? The guilt of going on this trip was a little overwhelming right when I heard this. I mean, no, I could not have prevented any of it if I were here, but I might could have realized a little earlier what was going on. Plus now I have exposed basically the whole family to his illness. 

I realize that in the grand scheme of life this will not be a big deal. But as a parent sometimes little decisions like this can haunt you. And I know that as life goes on, and as kids grow, the stakes get higher, and the decisions become more complex. 

We will be laying low today and trying to get better. Lots of snuggles with mama. Which brings up another issue for mothers--both whose who work outside the home and stay-at-home-moms--feeling torn. For example, I feel badly about not being here for my baby this past weekend. However, if I had stayed home, I would have felt badly about not spending time with my husband in New York. Today, I am staying home from the office on our only full workday this week because I have a sick child. It is the right thing to do. But I feel guilty about the patients who will not be able to be seen today because I am not there. 

It is tough being a girl, y'all! 

I do know these two things: 
1) I am not perfect and will never be. I am human. But I have a Savior who IS perfect, whose grace covers my imperfections, and whose birth I get to celebrate this week. We may be celebrating while quarantined, depending on how this Tamiflu works, but oh we will be celebrating. Which brings me to #2...
2) I am so thankful for modern medicine! Antivirals and antibiotics are my best friends right now. 

I know there are many others out there struggling with issues or illnesses much bigger than a bout of the flu and an ear infection. I am praying for you, this week especially. The Lord's grace and mercy is enough to cover the littlest and biggest things that happen in our lives. He is sovereign, and for that I am so thankful. I try to remind myself of it daily.

We've been better, y'all:

We've also had better hair days! ;)

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